Psychotherapy and Counselling

Offering emotional support for anxiety, relationship difficulties, and trauma.

How I Work

I provide psychodynamically informed therapy - this means that I try to understand your early life experiences, including with your family, schooling and friendships, and how they may have impacted how you are living today.  We are often shaped by parents and caregivers, although we don't always see the link between 'then and now'.

Personalized Approach

I believe that each individual is unique and therefore I tailor our therapy sessions to meet your specific needs and goals. I use talking therapy, and where appropriate, I use EMDR.  EMDR is a proven, NHS-approved method of processing traumatic memories through a series of eye movements. Click here for more information: EMDR: The basics - EMDR Association UK - Overcoming trauma with expert help

Safe and Confidential

I am particularly interested in working with men who are having difficulties in negotiating relationships, or who are finding life hard to deal with.  Men are often overlooked, or feel they cannot express feelings of sadness or vulnerability - yet we can feel anxious, sad and overwhelmed too.

Growing up gay can be a difficult experience, and being understood both as a teenager and as an adult isn't always easy.  With me, you will have that understanding. 

Whether you are straight, gay or bi, I can support you to process current difficulties in a way that keeps you stable in the present, while looking at your what's bothering you.

The Hidden Scars: How Childhood Trauma Affects Adult Men

Childhood is meant to be a time of growth, learning, and security. However, for many men, childhood trauma casts a long shadow over their adult lives. While trauma is often discussed in a broad sense, its effects on men are sometimes overlooked or minimized. Societal expectations often pressure men to suppress emotions, making it difficult for them to acknowledge and address the lingering impact of their past.

Understanding Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma can take many forms, including physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, witnessing domestic violence, or growing up in an unstable or unsafe environment. Trauma experienced during formative years can deeply impact a man's self-perception, relationships, and overall mental health. These experiences shape brain development, emotional regulation, and stress responses, often carrying over into adulthood in ways that can be difficult to recognize or manage.

The Lingering Effects in Adulthood

1. Emotional Suppression and Difficulty Expressing Feelings

Many men who experience childhood trauma learn early on to suppress their emotions as a defense mechanism. They may struggle with vulnerability, feeling that expressing emotions equates to weakness. As adults, they might bottle up feelings, leading to emotional detachment, difficulty forming close relationships, and even sudden outbursts of anger.

2. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Issues

Trauma often leads to negative self-perceptions. A man who was criticized, ignored, or devalued as a child may internalize those messages, believing he is unworthy of love, success, or happiness. This can result in self-sabotaging behaviours, avoiding opportunities for growth, or staying in toxic relationships.

3. Trust and Relationship Struggles

Men with unresolved childhood trauma frequently struggle with trust and intimacy. If they experienced betrayal or abandonment at a young age, they may find it difficult to believe in the reliability of others. This can lead to difficulties in romantic relationships, friendships, and even professional settings, where they may either push people away or form overly dependent bonds.

4. Addictive and Self-Destructive Behaviours

Many men turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb emotional pain. This could manifest as substance abuse, compulsive behaviours like gambling or excessive work, or reckless activities that provide temporary relief but create long-term consequences.

5. Anxiety, Depression, and PTSD

Trauma can have lasting effects on mental health. Many men struggle with chronic anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of unresolved childhood experiences. Symptoms such as intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness can make daily life difficult, affecting both personal and professional well-being.

6. Difficulty Managing Stress and Conflict

Men who have experienced early trauma often have an overactive stress response. What might seem like minor disagreements to others can feel like serious threats to them, leading to heightened reactions. They may struggle with regulating emotions during conflicts, causing difficulties in workplace environments or personal relationships.

Pathways to Healing

While the effects of childhood trauma can be profound, healing is possible. Here are some steps men can take to reclaim their emotional well-being:

1. Acknowledging the Pain

The first step in healing is recognizing that childhood trauma has had an impact. Suppressing emotions or pretending past wounds do not exist only prolongs suffering. Accepting that pain is valid can be a transformative moment.

2. Seeking Professional Support

Therapy, particularly trauma-informed therapy, can help men process and reframe their experiences. Talking therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and other therapeutic approaches can help rewire negative thought patterns and promote healing.

3. Building Healthy Relationships

Surrounding oneself with supportive, understanding people can make a significant difference. Opening up to trusted friends, partners, or support groups can provide validation and reduce feelings of isolation.

4. Practicing Emotional Regulation Techniques

Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, and journaling can be powerful tools for managing emotions. These practices help men develop awareness of their feelings and create a sense of inner stability.

5. Redefining Masculinity

Breaking free from societal expectations that equate strength with emotional suppression is crucial. True strength lies in vulnerability, self-awareness, and the ability to seek help when needed. Men who redefine masculinity on their own terms can foster healthier emotional lives.

Conclusion

Childhood trauma leaves deep imprints, but it does not have to define a man's future. With self-awareness, support, and professional guidance, men can break free from the chains of their past and build fulfilling, emotionally rich lives. Healing is not linear, but every step toward self-understanding and emotional growth is a victory.

 

 

About Pause for Talk

Concerns I work with 

At Pause for Talk, I understand that life can be challenging. I provide a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your feelings, gain insights, and develop strategies to overcome your obstacles. I work with:

  • Addiction, Adoption, ADHD, Alcoholism, Anxiety, Anger
  • Bereavement, Binge-eating
  • Depression, Domestic abuse
  • Family issues
  • HIV and sexual health
  • Internet addiction,
  • LGBTQ+ concerns, Low self-esteem,
  • Polyamory, Panic attacks, PTSD
  • Relationship issues
  • Sexual problems, Sexual abuse (childhood and adult)
  • Trauma
  • Work-related stress

Fees:

Talking therapy: £60 for a 50 minute session.

EMDR: £60 for a 50 minute session

Couples therapy: £80 for 75 minutes

Therapy Supervision: £65 for 60 minutes

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Get in touch

Telephone: 44 7728415134

E-mail: michael@pausefortalk.co.uk

Address: 99 Cambridge Road, Hastings, TN34 1EP, United Kingdom

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